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The ones that were so unable to accept the mystery of Jesus were the ones who thought they knew what God wanted. Some versions refer to them as "religious scholars".

There is only one way to know what God actually desires. Give Him attention.

Why is it that it's so hard to stop and pay attention to the Life that gives me breath? Water? Food? Children?

I am coming to understand that every compensation I make using my idea of what holiness is, what faith is, comes from a discomfort with mystery.

My son was reading a book about hurricanes. It fascinates me how humans will categorize things like this with numbers, after the fact, in order to try to maintain illusions of control the next time, only to be proven they were wrong about the category, the landfall, and pretty much everything else.

We are super uncomfortable with mystery. No one seems to be able to wait even one minute for information or affirmation about unknowns of pregnancy. Does our obsession with information (which may or may not be truthful) increase confidence, or does it invite more anxiety?

I think possibly the only way to ever enjoy life without fear is to be fully rendered to the Mystery. "Perfect love casts out fear. The one who fears has not been made perfect in love."

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.
I can tell you this. My favorite pregnancy yet was the one that I didn't 'manage' anything except taking in Good Things. And the weight that was released from me when I heard the licensed county teacher evaluate my children as excelling beyond, reinforced that we don't need heavier burdens or more quality systems but engaged presence.


application-knowledge. first-hand experience.
only as reliable as the relationship it derives from.
That relationship might as well be the Author, since He happens to be available...

I was grieving this morning, child sacrifice. The prophecies, and their current gravity has been wrecking me recently. We are so much more like Esau than we think!
In order that our children have "education", we sacrifice discipleship.
In order that our children have "opportunity", we sacrifice presence.
In order that we have time for our own goals, we sacrifice the gift of our own discipleship.

The lives of our children depend on their capacity to spend attention on Substance. The example I was setting until recently was the reckless wasting of attention on shadows. I call it "shadow abuse". Inevitably, this would require behavior modification or indulgent parenting, neither of which satisfied my craving for integrity. Only Christ's yoke does that--humble, forthright, meek, diligent. If we ourselves model the pursuit of pleasure and appearance, that's exactly how shallow our kids will be.

Dulling our senses to the abundant feast of Mystery in pursuit of processed pleasure comes with a great cost. Our descendants.

It makes my heart ache, that children are desired, then pushed away or tolerated. This is not Jesus. My children's lives aren't about me, or how I am reflected in their "success".

Where does true wisdom come from?
To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds.
At the end of the time set by the king to bring them into his service, the chief official presented them to Nebuchadnezzar.The king talked with them, and he found none equal to Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah; so they entered the king’s service. In every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king questioned them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom.

We are so conditioned to believe that knowledge is power. Power is control. Control is safety...without stopping to discern what we are even talking about. Who made all the mysteries of life as we know it? The Author of every mystery you wonder about and an eternity's worth of those you don't, has invested Himself in your mind.

I'm going to say it straight. I keep hearing reprimands against fear but an inability to acknowledge their source: We've got idols. The land is full of idols! I was a full blown idolater--I know that. I also know that freedom is casting them out.
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Be careful that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit based on human tradition, based on the elemental forces of the world, and not based on Christ. For the entire fullness of God’s nature dwells bodily in Christ, and you have been filled by Him, who is the head over every ruler and authority....They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings.

What I have in bold is the reason for our disintegration. We aren't disintegrated because of anything "out there", but because everything we are consuming is disintegrated. Here we are chasing integration, gratitude, purpose, generosity, wisdom, pleasure, freedom, joy, compassion...without any connection to our head.  All of this are byproducts, fruit of being people who offer, render, worship, sacrifice--whatever you want to call it--to the One. We compensate only because we know we lack. What if we knew we weren't lacking? What if we were filled with Christ in whom dwells all the fullness bodily?

I certainly hadn't known that my idols were preventing me from complete confidence. Because what happens when you have a radical trust that your body, your mind and your spirit are fully at home because of Jesus Christ, all of the insecurities having to do with mystery and myself fall off. 

God is integral. God is personal. The education system is a product of family disintegration and depersonalization. It's just that my own submission to the yoke of Christ produces fruit that meet and exceed requirements of the law, without unnecessary repetition. He leads, I follow. And His commands are not burdensome.

Being "safe" or having knowledge has not rescued us from the uncertainty of life. But knowing Him who is the Author and Origin delivers wisdom, plus complete care. 

Mystery. It's a life with energy, abundance and overflow of more than you can imagine. Our attention is our only currency...spend it with integrity.

Wisdom is a Good Thing. Only offered by God.
Knowledge and science fails.


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